Life

What if life was as easy as Winnie the Poohs? Wouldnt that be amazing? Sure would for me right now. Right now I feel kinda clueless and helpless. You know the usual problems, stress, got alot in school and of course boy problems. Doesnt sound so complicated but if you knew everything you would prolly go hide under your bed and never come out.
Im usualy a very positive person and I absolutly LOVE life. But sometimes it can bring you down and show you the bad things about it. But even then I try to be positive and laugh, but doesnt always work. Right now I need a shoulder to cry against.
And dont have that now. My boyfriend or ex boyfriend dont know what he is anymore said that he would be home early today, said that we were gonna do something tonight, like watch a movie and eat something. But now its 12 am and hes still not home. I don't wanna call him everything when we said something.
Feels like he never listens to me but I have to listen to him all the time and do what he tells me to do. But Im sick off it. Why should I always have to adapt myself to him? Dont I have enought to do? Like school and cleaning apartment. I need some Emelie- quality time. so therefore i decided to go ona a holiday for a few weeks soon alone... hopefully. Perhaps study in another country. First on my list is Australia and USA. But longer visits that is. I also wanna go to Germany, got alot of friends there and wanna go say hi ^^ ...
But looks like I might be able to go to either Australia or USA end of this year, IF Im lucky that is.
But Im a very unlucky person so guess not....

12.04 am and my tummy still hurts... Go to bed perhaps. Well cant sleep now Im thinking way to much. Thoughts running through my head, wont stop. And being tired doesnt make it better at all, the opposite acctually.

As it looks now year 2009 isnt my year. Everything gone wrong, atleast most of it.
Listening to my favorite song right now but dont know if thats good or bad. Making my cry, Your Guardian Angel - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. Another friend or ex friend, dont really know but think he hates me, sent me this song before. A offspring song. Amazing wonderful but depressing lyrics. Dont know how to take it. Was listening to it while I was talking to a friend. Not the best idea. Hard to talk like nothing is wrong when ur crying.

I wanted to be home alone for so long now, and finally I am. But I still dont like it, not today, not when we planned to do something. Talk things through. Guess Ill just move and ignore the downsides of everything. No point in being stuck in something ur powerless in.

Just wanna stop crying now. Im to old to cry. Im a strong person, but sometimes I have to let go of the emotions. I cant keep it all in like I always do.

Well school tomorrow.. Yeey.. Ill go home early and take care of myself. Have fun everyone
<3 Em